we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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