4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
