hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
