paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
