remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
do herpes really smell.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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