i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
