We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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