i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
