Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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