Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
