Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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