my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
