i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
