His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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