I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize