PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I accidentally burped into my bong.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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