it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
