I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
