I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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