:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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