Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
