I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize