i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
