looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
