Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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