I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
