Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We had to coat check the pizza.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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