Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
