just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
