I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
