dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
