omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
