just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
