woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
