i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
