I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
...so i touched it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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