once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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