somebody snuck up and got me drunk
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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