I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
