singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
