Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
