I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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