what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
