when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
