it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
