shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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