I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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