too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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