Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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