I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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