CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
