apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
