I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
