do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's shark week go big or go home
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize