Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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