i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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