You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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