i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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