I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize