you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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