I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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