Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
