god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
