Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
