You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
