Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
