Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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