He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
