just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
