1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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