i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
