i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
