we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
