I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
