My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize