Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
