no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
