If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
